Tim

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Tim in both human form (left) and Narwhal form (right).
Tim, also known as Ross, Evil Nick, and TIMMEH, is a semi-mythological figure believed to have originated from somewhere in Edmonton, Newfoundland; he is purported to be roughly six feet tall, though some sources have reported him to be OVER 9000 feet in height. He is rumored to possess the ability to change into a Narwhal or Lolrus at a moment's notice. Befitting his status as a mythological figure, he has many different names in all the cultures of the world, all of them roughly translating to "He who Loves Buckets." Though recent evidence has caused many scientists to believe that he does exist, Tim himself has vehemently protested his own existence:
 
 
I honestly swear beyond a shadow of a doubt that I must be fictional, the recent creation of this wiki page notwithstanding.
 

 

— Tim


In keeping with the myths surrounding himself, Tim has not been reached for comment on the matter.

As Tim does not exist, his operating system of choice is Linux. It is also thought that Tim may be in possession of more Physics textbooks than any other type of textbook combined, the number of Physics texts he does own is believed to be O(10). There are two girls in Indiana who claim to have seen him on this website referred to by some as: FaceNovel.

Skills of Note

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This section needs more equations. You can help by adding some.

  • Ability to solve Biot-Savart Law questions with ease.
 \mathbf{E} = \frac{q}{4\pi \epsilon_0} \frac{1-v^2/c^2}{(1-v^2\sin^2\theta/c^2)^{3/2}}\frac{\mathbf{\hat r}}{r^2}
 \mathbf{B} = \mathbf{v} \times \frac{1}{c^2} \mathbf{E}
 \mathbf{[f*g](t)} = \mathbf{\int_0^{\tau} \! f(\tau)g(t-\tau) \, d\tau}
  • Finding buckets.
  • Stealing your bucket.
Tim doesn't like it when you steal from him, particularly when you steal his bucket.

Tim and Stratchona

Tim has quite a long and detailed history with Starthcona Composite High School. Notably Strathcona has taken Tim as their icon, using his face to design the image of the lion. Unfortunately, no images are currently known to exist.

Opinion Central

  • Ninjas in the age old pirate versus ninja debate.
  • Edmonton in "Edmonton versus Calgary."
  • Obama in "Obama or not."
  • Public in "public versus private healthcare."
  • Starcraft in "Starcraft versus Age of ______."
  • Tim in "Tim versus Jordan."
  • Dammit in "Dammit versus Damnit."
  • Quantum in "Quantum versus Classical Mechanics."

Trolling Tim

Tim is an interesting case when it comes to trolling, because the troll will be as successful (perhaps more so?) even if he's aware you're trolling him. Techniques such as making him lose The Game are less effective since he's bound to make you lose first. Also, starting an argument with him will not be successful trolling because he'll enjoy it.

Here are some effective methods:

  • Ask him if there were penguins in Newfoundland when he lived there
  • Spell "dammit" as "damnit"
  • Try to convince him to start playing World of Warcraft
  • Ask if you can have his pants
  • Be Jordan
  • Modify his formula sheet to contain very subtle errors, such as switching minus signs for plus signs and squares to cubes
  • Ask him if staring at a wall will collapse its waveform and modify its behavior
  • Bring him to a religious debate
  • Recite common misconceptions as though you believe them
  • Ask him what happens if something goes faster than the speed of light. When he insists it can't, ask "But what if it could?!?"
  • Try to sell him your iPad