Kevin

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Kevin in his natural form

Kevin, also known as Dr. Grykuliak and Dances with Tigers, is a gentleman and a scholar. Though he has the ability to go anywhere and do anything, he's recently settled in somewhere in Canada in an effort to keep Abraham in check, and scold him for being so pessimistic.

Those near Kevin are subject to an aura which automatically surrenders their will to him. However, as Kevin is quite the gentleman, he usually does not abuse this power.

Several people in support of Kevin's clear awesomeness have founded the Church of Kevin and remain devout followers.

 
 
Launch a nuclear bomb. It's the only way.
 

 

— Kevin

Kevin taking on the guise of Ray Charles

Kevin's supernaturalness

The extend of Kevin's powers is not known. Several have theorized that he is a vampire, though this remains disputed.

In order to confirm Kevin's supernatural abilities, one must simply observe his commanding voice and rugged good looks.

Origins

Kevin in action

Little is known of the origins of Kevin. However, many believe he lived in the age of Bismarck. He also took part in the Last Supper.

Why you shouldn't make him angry

 
 
Dear Victim, I regret to inform you that I have obtained absolutum dominium over your Schnauzer. Defenestration is inevitable lest I be bequeathed the sum owed to me. Ab irato.
 

 

— Kevin


Chronicles of Kevin

This section contains anecdotes of Kevin's everyday life.

Regarding tambourines

Hannah Klose
There are multiple similarities between Will Ferrell and I?


Kevin Grykuliak
Of course. Aside from the obvious skill with small, percussive instruments, there are some pretty obvious similarities.

It's time to get my "Inception" on.

My suspicions were first aroused when I saw you playing what seemed to be an innocuous game of Halo: Reach with your brother, Nick. It just so happens that an integral character in the series is Dr. Halsey. Well, Ferrell PLAYED a character named NICK HALSEY in the 2010 film "Everything Must Go". Coincidence?

I think not. We need to go deeper.

Nick sounds an awful lot like Rick, wouldn't you say? And it just so happens that Ferrell was hired PRECISELY two years before the above film's release to play a character named Dr. Rick Marshall in "Land of the Lost" who journeys into the LITHOSPHERE. Obviously you can't spell CHRISTOPHER KLOSE without LITHOSPHERE.

If that wasn't enough to convince you, Ferrell's 2003 character in "Old School" famously streaked/MOONed motorists as he ran down the street. Now, putting aside the fact that William Herschel discovered one of the MOONs of Saturn on August 28th, 1789, Ferrell famously screams "AAH!" and he runs past disapproving motorists. One of them is wearing glasses as he HONKS his horn. What does he have in his glasses? That's right: a LENS. And if you put it all together...

AAH HONKS LENS... HANNAH KLOSE


Kevinisms

Kevin at the Last Supper
 
 
Space Clint Eastwood. The only thing more deadly than Clint Eastwood.
 

 

— Kevin

 
 
I'm like the Indiana Jones of furniture.
 

 

— Kevin

 
 
It's a good thing, beeyotch.
 

 

— {{{2}}}