IPad

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Bill Gates announcing the iPad

The Apple iPad, also referred to as the iPod Touch XL, is a revolutionary technological device created by Apple, Inc. Released in early 2010, it comes with never-before-seen features such as the ability to send messages to others through text at near-light speed, for the low cost of $29.99/month. Because it's shiny and made by Apple, it's certain to be a hit amongst iPhone and Mac users worldwide.

 
 
The iPad is more than just a piece of hardware; it's a remarkable technological breakthrough. Not only will it change our lives, but it will also teach us that man can triumph over adversity. I made sure to buy mine the day they were released, and after using it for several months, I'm certain I'll never need to buy a new computer again.
 

 

Jordan Backs


Uses

The anatomy of the iPad is unveiled

The iPad is useful for many things, such as:

  • being shiny and made by Apple
  • throwing at annoying people
  • bragging about to Windows users and other people who don't care
  • making you truly hate doing simple things online
  • giving you tendonitis
  • causing you to stop visiting any website with Flash (which is 1/3 of the interweb)
  • attracting stares from people on the bus
  • wasting your money
  • causing you to lose faith in humanity
  • wasting more of your money when you realize you should have bought the version with 64 GB
  • inducing rage
  • not sharing content
  • being the first multi-touch enabled gadget that doesn't give an erection. (unless your an Apple fan boy)
  • playing The Game (but with bad graphics)
  • getting girls [citation needed]


Features

A pretty cool guy demonstrates how to correctly hold the iPad

The iPad is capable of doing basically anything. It matches and even surpasses the capabilities of modern computers, except for that it has no USB ports, no HDMI or VGA output, no keyboard (except for the Apple Bluetooth Keyboard which costs OVER 9000 dollars), no support for Adobe Flash, no open-source software, no real file system (which doesn't actually matter because you get barely any storage space), no multitasking, no webcam or microphone, and no actual purpose. Do you want one yet?????

Is Apple communist?

Feature analysis

Yes, it is. Steve Jobs' ideal world consists of only Apple products, and everybody has to pay him every time they listen to music, play games, or watch clouds. He likes DRM, which is an awesome idea. Seriously, though, the only difference between downloading a song vs. hearing it on the radio and learning to play it on your guitar is that there is no difference.

Also, Steve Jobs is known to use a Reality Distortion Field (RDF) to convince people that his products are actually useful and not just shiny, expensive paperweights.

Steve Jobs' take

Prototype for the iPad Nano
WUT THES D3VIEC DOES SI AXTRAORDINARY IT SI TEH BST BROWSNG 3XP3REINC3 U AV3R HAD!1!!!1111 OMG WTF ITS UNBLEIVABLEY GR3AT.!1!!1!!11!!111!!1! OMG WAY BTAR THAN A LAP2P!!!1!!1! OMG WAY BT3R THAN A SMARTPHON3!1!1!1 WTF ITS A DREM 2 TYPA ON!!!!! OMG

Steve Jobs


What can't it do?!

  • multitask
  • render Flash animations
  • be exposed to sunlight
  • interface with HDMI or VGA
  • stop AT&T from screwing you over with their data plan
  • cure cancer
  • attempt the Entscheidungsproblem
  • stop Jordan from becoming SU president